Not attaching with our adopted baby?

You need to find a lot of patience and stamina. I honestly know that these past two months have been very long and hard. But, you have to understand that it's going to take a lot longer than two months. With both of your children, you and your husband need to be the ONLY ones doing the caretaking. With your daughter, especially, she needs to learn how a family functions. She has lived in an orphanage for two years, has had multiple caretakers and has learned to be charming to get what she wants from whatever adult is in front of her. It's how she's survived. She now needs to learn that you and your husband are the special people called Mom and Dad dedicated to taking care of her. It will take awhile. Don't let other people feed, comfort, bathe, or provide for any of her other major needs except for you and your husband. Your son may actually be having more difficult behavior right now, but I'm actually betting he comes around before your daughter. He's showing preference for a single caretaker, and that actually IS a good sign. He needs that right now, and when he starts to become more secure that his needs are being taken care of, he'll start to slowly but surely let you in. My daughter did not behave this severely for this long, but she preferred Daddy at first. It is hard. When he goes to Daddy to have a need met, Daddy needs to VERBALLY say, while handing him to you, "Mommy is good at feeding you. She will take care of you." Daddy should certainly also keep meeting his needs a lot of the time now, too, but it will help your son to see that his trusted Daddy trusts you and help your son to gain trust in you. With both kids, be affectionate, never raise your voice, show them that you will be there whatever they throw at you. Hang in there. Take care of yourself emotionally and physically. If these problems persist, or at least don't start improving with what you're doing on your own, within a few months, seek professional help.